I wanted to write somewhat of a followup to my previous post (found here), which was a response to the Seth Adams Smith post (found here). It’s a post about marriage and one of the myths about marriage- that is perpetuated in the film Jerry Maguire and other romantic narratives. If you’ve seen the movie, you remember the line when Jerry tells Renee Zellweger’s character, “You complete me.” It’s a moving scene (especially if you have dust in your eyes already) and easy to see why one would want someone to complete us.
As I write, I come from a Christian world view and as a pastor, I teach and counsel on this world view. The Christian world view teaches that each person is created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27). We are created male and female in the image of God. As individuals, we have sacred worth and we are whole beings. We are not created incomplete. We are not created lacking something that we must find in some relationship. While we each have sin in our lives (Rom. 3:23)- any wholeness that we seek comes from Jesus in our lives who takes away the stain of sin in our lives.
So what about marriage?
The best marriage advice I ever received was this: to pursue your faith in God and your calling with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Be the person God created you to be. As you live this life, look around and see who is running in the same direction and with the same passion that you are. When you find that person- you might see if there is a connection- a spark- an interested to commit to one another in love and commit to glorify God with your relationship. It’s not so much about being completed- but finding someone you love who you can complete the journey with. (I believe I heard this from a video from Tommy Nelson)
Genesis 2:18 says, “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” All the creatures of the earth were brought to Adam and none were found to be a suitable companion. So God created something new- from Adam’s rib. A woman who was created to be a companion and a helper. A helper to fulfill the purpose that God had created them for. Not someone to fulfill an inadequacy or to make Adam whole- a helper and a companion as they lived out what God had created them for.
Back to us: In marriage, we seek a partner and a helper to help us fulfill the purpose we were created for. We choose a partner who is heading in the same direction as us with the same passion- or else we end up heading in opposite directions. We aren’t to look for a partner to fill a hole in our life- but someone do live
I cannot think of anyone I would want to do life with than my wife, Andrea. We’ve been doing this together for 13 years in December. Life is better with her in it- that is true and there is no arguing that. She makes me want to be a better person. But we do not complete each other because we are lacking- we complete each other in the sense of chasing after God’s divine purpose for our lives together. And loving each other every step of the way.