Separate Section For Huggy/Touchy Couples in Church

Ok, so this is from Larknews.com, so it’s satire, but can’t we try something like this…

Church Creates Section for Huggy, Touchy Couples

There is nothing more annoying in worship when the couple in front of you is stroking and caressing each other’s necks. Even worse is when they’re nibbling on each other’s ear or givingn kissing during worship. I witnessed this recently in the church that I serve at and wanted to throw my Bible at the couple, with the love of Jesus of course! There are various levels of offenders.

1. The Teenage Lovers– These are the teens who bring their boyfriend/girlfriend to worship because it’s the only way their parents will let them hang out together. They will playfully hit each other, and hold hands during prayer. Cute puppy love. On an annoyance scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the most annoying) they rate a 3.

2. The Blinded By Love– These are the couples in your church that are so infatuated with each other than they are unaware of anyone around them. The guy usually has his arm around the girl and the whisper sweet-nothings throughout the sermon. They walk hand-in-hand to and from the sanctuary and people begin to think as the two of them as one (creating names like Bennifer, Brangelina, Isiqua, etc.) On an annoyance scale, they rate a 7.

3. The Get-A-Room Couple– This couple just doesn’t get it. They don’t sit close…they practically sit on each others lap. It takes minor surgery to get them to separate and move. This couple tries to do some sort of twisted “church grinding” during the praise and worship time. Parent’s cover their young children’s eyes when this couple kicks it in high gear. On an annoyance scale of 1-10, this couple rates an bold 10.

It’s your turn…share you story about the worse church couple you’ve witnessed.

About Steve LaMotte

Husband and father of three amazing children. Campus Minister of Wesley College in Dover, Delaware. Pastor at Hope United Methodist Church in Dover, Delaware. Elder in the Pen-Del Conference. Fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates and Steelers. Lover of music that makes hipsters cringe.
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